it was my birthday today. i am now a 24year old. Last year, when i turned 23, i told how freaked out i was. How scary being 23 felt (X)…i expected 24 to feel to same. Maybe even worst to be honest, but it doesn’t. This year i felt numb a little. Like i just didn’t care, i was to get it over with. My birthday just did not mean much to me and i didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. i’m 24, i’m lost, my mind is a mess 95% of the time and i’m the most unsure i have ever been about who i am and what i want, being 24 doesn’t change that. it doesn’t make it better or worst, it’s just a number.
i guess, Monday, what i really want to say is that birthdays are there to celebrate one more year. it could have been the best year of your life or the most difficult one so far, but i feel like it’s just a set date to make you stop and think for a sec ; okay, i’m year older, what does it mean? Sometimes it freaks you out, sometimes it makes you happy and some years, like this one for me, you’ll just not care.
it was my birthday yesterday. I’m now 23 years old, crazy right? I never cared much about birthdays, it always felt weird to me. I never understood why people made such a big thing out of it. This year was kind of hard for my mind. My age was always just a number, but for some reason, 23 felt pretty scary. 23 feels like a grownup age and i still have nothing figure out. Nothing. and that, that scares me. When i was 16, i believed that people in their 20s knew what the hell they were doing and i couldn’t wait to be at that place in my life. Now that i’m in it, i can see how wrong i was. I have absolutely no idea of what i’m doing and i can only wonder what 16yo Sarah would think if she saw 23yo Sarah. Still lost, still unsure, still dreaming. I think she would freak out in silence, i was always good at doing that.
Anyway Monday, yesterday was a weird day. I got calls and texts from people i barely talk to, i’ve overthink my life and i ate way too much cake.
i’m still not sure if it was a good or a bad day.