Please don’t hate me, i know it’s been a while. The thing is, i like telling you about what’s going on in my head, but my head has been a scary place lately and i didn’t feel like talking about it. i’m gonna be honest, Monday, i feel like shit. I feel heavy and low and dark and all i want to do is sleep, but i don’t. Insomnia has been a bitch. I’m trying everything i can to quiet my mind has much has possible, thank god for music and jogging. Thank god for fictional world were i can go hide for a while.
I’m trying Monday, i’m trying so freaking hard.
That’s all for today i think, just a quick update after such a long time. i haven’t forget about you, i’ll try my best to write you every week like i use to.
Hello people of Earth,
This weekend was Montreal’s comiccon amd if you’ve been follow me for a little while, you know how much i LOVE comiccon’s season. Obviously, i did some shopping and i just wanted to share with you guys everything i got.
did you know i’m turning 24yrs old in less than a month. How crazy is that? And that made me think alot about where i am in life and how i feel in this big, crazy world. This is definitely a conversation for an other time, but this whole thinking made me realize something extremely important about myself : I know nothing.
I always expected that by the time i hit my mid20, i’d have all those little things figured out. I’m not talking about the big aspect of life, but just those little things. How to do my taxes, how to cook a meal without calling my mom, how to deal with all the grownup crap…well, i don’t. I really suck at being an adult to be honest. I see it everyday when i listen to my coworkers talk. I always feel like they just know things, things i should probably know too…it’s like I missed a class or something. I’m not saying i’m stupid because i know i’m not. I actually see myself as a smart person in general….it’s just when it comes to life, i’m still a kid who was push into an adult world without any explanation.
i was scared to write this one to be honest because i didn’t want to jinx it in any ways, but i like sharing my life with you Monday, so here it goes : I’m having a very good couple of weeks. When you have anxiety and the tendency of falling in your head way too much, you often get the bad days (i’ve already talked about those in an other letter if you want to check it out) but i think it’s also important to talk about the good days. It’s nothing big really. i didn’t win the lottery or fell madly in love with the perfect men, it’s more the way i’m seeing things. I have a good life, i know it, i’m lucky and so, so, so grateful for everything. But sometimes i have a hard time seeing it. My vision is clouded by my dark mind and it makes it almost impossible for me to appreciate the little things.
I think those little things make life what it is. You need to stop and enjoy them. The music, the coffee, the spring air, the smiling customers, the day offs, the comfy bed, the good food. i’m sure you can name some more too. Those little things that makes it so fun to be alive.
I just need to focus on them as much as i can, even during those bad days.
I’m writing this blog post on Christmas day, so first thing first : MERRY CHRISTMAS DEAR READERS. I hope you are having a magical day so far.
So, the reasons why i’m writing this post is because I’ve been thinking a lot about Christmas and everything about it. Family. Anxiety. and all that sometimes makes Christmas overwhelming. Oh, and i’m adding a little Christmas haul at the end. Sharing with you what I got for Christmas. ^^
from the title of today’s post, you can guess that my reading month has been slow. So far, this month, i have read one novel. ONE. A couple mangas too, but those are short and quick, 30mins and i’m done. So….one book. And it took me forever to finished it.
Reading slump sucks.
I really hope this don’t last very long, Monday, because i actually miss reading.
There’s not much else too say right now, other than i’m mad at myself for not being able to read. It’s worst since i’m a book blogger and reading is what i do. I talk about what i read, but what the hell am i suppose to talk about if i don’t read anything? If i could at least know why i can seem to read more than 2 pages a day…is it the book? is it because i’m tired? is it because i’ve been watching too many christmas movies and that use up all my free time? i don’t know, lets just hope i get over it soon.
enough for this week, Monday. lets hope that next time i write to you, i have a very long list of books i have read and some tips to get over reading slump.
Sorry I haven’t wrote to you in many months, hope you don’t hate me. I felt the inspiration come back not to long ago, so here I am, writing to you again. I want to talk about anxiety, mostly about the horrifying need of always saying no. I’m not the most social person, far from it really. When I get ask if I want to go out, do something, my first answer will be yes. Sure, I want to go out. Sure, lets do something. Why not. That’s what normal people do. They go out, have fun, enjoy life. But something usually happens in my brain between the moment I say yes and the time of the activity. I change my mind. I don’t want to go out, I don’t want to see people. I freak out for nothing. I want to hide. I want to say no. Sometimes I find an excuse, get myself out of this situation…and sometimes I can’t get out of the situation. I get more and more anxious until the moment I meet up with the people and than….nothing happens. It’s fine. It’s fun. I enjoy myself more than expected.
So, Monday, why do I keep wanting to say no?
PS. Here’s a picture of my Friday night. The one I so wanted to say no to this week. I’m glad I didn’t because I would have miss this glorious food :